(Sunset in Fort Morgan, AL)I looked up the word cynic in the dictionary. Its most commonly used definition is “a person who has little faith in human sincerity and goodness”. I hate to say it but this describes me all too well. The funny thing is that this is mostly a projection of mine. In psychology authors talk about how it is unhealthy to project or place the faults you see in yourself onto others; and, unfortunately that’s what I do. I doubt my own sincerity and goodness, and therefore, doubt everyone else’s so that I can protect myself from too much self-loathing. (If anyone has ever read Catcher in the Rye, the narrator Holden Caulfield is a perfect, hilarious example of this.) Anyway, this off-putting tendency of mine is one I try to fight, but the roots run deep.
Despite this, every year I make New Year’s resolutions. I love the changing of the year, there always seems to be more contemplation, hope, and fun around this time. We Americans eat black-eyed peas (for me only a face-twitching spoonful soaked in salt), listen to sermons about living with a purpose, watch football with family, and melodramatically talk about how we could never have guessed all the things that happened last year. This is a time where I get to hush that cynic’s voice and dream a little about the future. This is the time of the year when I believe most strongly that change is possible. Unfortunately for Meg, I often wax eloquently (and incessantly) in the car ride home from our holiday vacation. So this year I’ve resolved to read more in the evenings as my form of relaxation, instead of mindlessly watching the TV. Also, I want to start writing letters to loved ones because I think letter writing is a lost art that keeps families and friends close.
Oh yeah, the other definition for a cynic is “one of a school of ancient Greek philosophers founded by Antisthenes, marked by ostentatious contempt for ease and pleasure”. To save the suspense, I don’t plan on developing contempt for pleasure this year, but maybe ease. See, when ease is my primary aim, my pleasure in ease begins to diminish. But, when I get pleasure in things like reading over TV and letter writing over growing distance, I realize that contempt for ease is not so bad after all because it gives pleasure that lasts longer than a half an hour episode. So this year I resolve to be a half-Cynic.
4 comments:
I resolve to beat you in Wii Golf.
You blogged after a five-month hiatus. Amazing! Glad to see you're back at it.
I'll be back at it with a bit more consistency now or maybe that's just my new year's optimism. Regardless, thanks for the encouraging words.
Chesterton - I think in Everlasting Man - mentions something about "those two eternal fools: the optimist and the pessimist." As you know, I also know the tendency of which you're speaking. And I've also made the mistake of idealizing to cover a multitude of cynical sins. (Is it an accident: "sin-ical"?) Of course it isn't cynical to know the facts about human nature and act accordingly; this is wisdom. But I think that cynicism and idealism are separated by a very fine line. It is far easier to alternate between these two outlooks than to embrace the much more difficult point-of-view of "realism" or wisdom. I used to think this entailed straddling a fence between them, but for guys like us, it's more like balancing on a tightrope above them: more challenging and requiring deep concentration at times.
For the record, we talked a lot in StL, and I never felt like I was navel-gazing with a cynic. On the contrary, I was encouraged by your mind, the energy with which you took ideas as far as you could and insisted that they have cash value. Cynics don't tend to be people who lose their lives in order to find them. Be encouraged.
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